Day33 Wuhan Diary 武汉日记

2020.2.24 The 33rd day of Wuhan lockdown 中文日记最下




It’s Monday again. I never liked Mondays, because it means I have to go to work. I didn’t think that one day I’d miss it and wish I could get back to work sooner.

I was watching last night’s episode of Phoenix Televisions‘s Leng Nuan Ren Sheng(also known as Secret Documentary, The Fortunes, or C’est La Vie )’s newest season on Humans of Wuhan. I saw the familiar buildings on the screen, what used to be busy, crowded streets are all empty now, like an uninhabited city. It’s hard to find the words for all the feelings I have inside.

The episode features a few out-of-towners stuck in Wuhan, they live in shabby motels, mulling over their expenses. There was a girl asking the reporter when they thought the lockdown would be over, but the reporter had no clue. The girl told them that she could only sustain another week or so of spending, and nothing longer. It has been a month since, don’t know how this girl is doing now, it is heart wrenching to think about.

The “Little Pinks” on Weibo love to post the phrase “This golden age is whatever you want it to be.” In reality this golden age is fragile, and we’re all but ants.

Coincidentally, shortly before and after the lockdown, I watched Leng Nuan Ren Sheng’s coverage on SARS 10th year anniversary twice. I watched that season so many times, never once I thought I would be living a life like that. I looked up SARS 10th years anniversary while writing this journal, and found that there’s no search result for the show anymore. And the documentary Phoenix Panorama’s season on SARS was missing its 5th episode. A little surprised- yet, not unexpected. They don’t want people to know that history repeats itself, doing this is a bit over-the-top suspicious.

Maybe in ten years, there would be a documentary on Wuhan that’s censored on the internet. What would I be feeling in ten years when I’ll be reading back to this journal entry?

Last night I also saw a report by Dr. Zhang Bo Li and his team on the combination of Western and Traditional Chinese medicine drastically decreasing mortality rate. I read through all of the data points diligently, to say that this is an “encouraging” finding is disingenuous.

This report introduces the medical team’s treatment information, according to its data, they treated 52 patients total, 34 in the group treated by a combination of Western and Traditional Chinese medicine, and 18 in the group treated by only Western medicine. The result: the former group has two cases that require intensive care (7.4%) and three deaths (8.8%), while the latter group has 6 cases requiring intensive care(46.2%) and 7 deaths (39%). Thus, the combination of Western and Traditional Chinese medicine drastically decreases mortality rate.

Takeshi Kitano, a Japanese filmmaker that I admire, once said: “a disaster is not one event that kills twenty thousand humans; it is one human-killing event that happens twenty thousand times”. I think this quote tells people to understand and empathize based on a “human” perspective, rather than to treat humans as the background of a grand narrative.

We need to take note of another story. I saw in the news that the government of Guizhou province provided care kits to its medical aid team in Hubei. There were electric blankets, thermos mugs, thermal underwear, shampoo, body wash, hair dryers, nail clippers, and even two different kinds of slippers (cotton and shower slippers), as well as feminie products, such as sanitary pads. The Governor of the Guizhou province is a female.

I am very grateful for the existence of this kind of leader. But it is actually pathetic to expect good results on an individual’s competence and morals.

A nurse friend of mine told me a story. Her good friend is a nurse in the ICU and some patients in the ward would cough and yawn towards the nurses intentionally.

A former classmate told me that her uncle is still unwilling to wear face masks while strolling on the street and playing mahjong with other people. My classmate’s mother calls her little brother every day, trying her best to persuade him and intensely arguing with him, but all in vain. My classmate has to report to the mayor hotline where her uncle plays mahjong.

The community worker friend of mine tells me about an old man in their community. He tries different ways to get outside, argues with community workers and even spits to them, no matter how hard they try to convince him to stay at home.

I also saw videos online in which pedestrians were taken away by the police, who did not wear masks and did not listen to any advice.

My mind is quite messy. I used to consider reporting one’s own uncle would be a shameful and “anti-human” behavior. I would consider that overly-barbaric and violent enforcement violates human rights. But when I am being trapped in a cage by the virus, when we who obey the rules lose our freedom and serve “life sentence” because of those people who disobey the rules, I wish, deeply concealed in my heart, that there is an “alternative way” and an “obliging force” to make them obey the rules.

I do not want to be a hypocrite advocating power. I just do not know where to draw the line, and that may not be an answer I can give after all. Maybe the fundamental problem is we do not have the right to draw this line.

I ordered a Harry-Potter-themed Golden Snitch pendant at the end of last year. The shop assistant at the store tells me that the order has arrived today and I can pick it up when the outbreak is over.

I intended for it to be my new year’s present, but it could turn out to be a mid-year gift. Nevertheless, it feels not bad to be alive while expecting something wonderful.

3.

Stories like this couldn't get more interesting. People could even publish them in a book called "tales in a lockdown city".

Here's another strange story. My WeChat got frozen early in the morning. When I clicked login it showed "complained by multiple people and confirmed to have irregularities". Do you know what's vicious about this line? it's they tell you that you have been stabbed behind your back by multiple (they emphasize) friends, without revealing who those friends are or what irregularities, needless to mention the chance to appeal. The boundary of my self-expression is forced back. What's worse, I planted the seeds of doubt and hatred among my hundreds WeChat friends. I choose to ignore this "reason". For me, all that matters is not this reason, but what I choose to believe. So I choose to believe I've touched some secret filtering switch of keyword. And this so-called reason is only a malidious strategy designed to encourage people to fight one another. I can't let this word become a prick in my heart only to further weaken my faith in this world. Of course, I will implement my self-censorship more cautiously.

Last night, Dr. Huang Wenjun from Xiaojin City Central Hospital's respiratory department passed away.

Read another piece of news this morning: a 28-year-old murder case in Nanjing city is solved. I first thought it was the body-dismenbering case of Diao Anqing from Nanjing University. Found out it wasn't after further reading. No matter what, the deceased could finally rest in peace, with perpetrator arrested.

However, for all those lives taken away by the novel coronavirus, what has to be done to comfort them?





2月24日武汉封城第33天


又到周一了,以前不喜欢周一,因为要上班,没想到自己会有一天心心念念想快点开工。

昨晚看了凤凰卫视《冷暖人生》最新一期《人在武汉》,看着镜头里那些熟悉的建筑、那些平时车水马龙拥挤不堪的马路,现在都变得空空荡荡,仿佛一座空城,心里五味杂陈,不知道该怎么形容。

节目中出镜了几位滞留在武汉的外地人,他们住在简陋的小旅馆里,每天盘算着开销。其中一个女孩问记者封城什么时候能解除,可是记者也不清楚,女孩说她只够维持个把星期的开销,再久就不行了。转眼已经封城一个月了,不知道这个女孩现在怎样了。真是很难不心酸。

微博上小粉红们最喜欢刷“这盛世如你所愿”,其实盛世易碎,皆为蝼蚁。

说来也巧,封城前和封城后,我重看过两遍《冷暖人生非典十年》,这一期节目我看过好多遍,没想到有一天武汉会成为这个节目的主角。在写这篇日记的时候我随手搜了搜《非典十年》,突然发现这期节目已经搜不到,而且《凤凰大视野非典十年祭》的5集纪录片也被删了。有些意外,仔细想想,却又是意料之中——他们不想让人知道历史在循环往复。只是这样的做法未免太掩耳盗铃了。

不知道十年后会不会有一部全网下架的纪录片来记录现在的武汉呢,也不知道十年后我自己看这段时间的“封城日记”又会是什么心情。

昨晚还看到一个报道《中西医结合大幅降低死亡率,张伯礼团队公布数据》,我认认真真看完所有数据,感觉这个“振奋人心”的成果实在有些轻佻。

这篇报道介绍了该团队的治疗信息,根据数据,共治疗了52名患者,其中中西医结合组34例,西医组18例;治疗结果:中西医结合组普通转重症2例(7.4%)、死亡3人(8.8%),西医组普通转重症6例(46.2%)、死亡7人(39%),由此得出结论:中西医结合大幅降低死亡率。

我看到这些数据的第一反应,是想起前两天新冠肺炎的核定标准又改了,改完之后数据和图表面目一新,格外好看,宛如我做年终述职时挖空心思做出的汇报数据。

当然我也不能说这个数据肯定掺假,或是为了让数据好看而做了什么“技术调整”,但是即便全部属实,52个样本能说明想探讨的问题吗?这样一个中医团队的西医水平能够治好患者吗?这个团队治不好的患者能说明是西医治不好吗?为什么是中西医结合VS西医,而不是中医VS西医?

这个数据在我看来实在是荒唐,经不起推敲和琢磨。何况我还有一个更在意的问题:这52位患者知道自己被当作试验品了吗?

上午看到17号令“在外武汉市民可进城,滞留在汉外地人员可出城”的时候,第一反应就想起《冷暖人生》的节目里那个女孩,一瞬间竟然有点为她高兴。谁知不到4个小时,18号令就出来宣告17号令无效了。

我不知道这“朝令午改”真的是政府部门之间协调有误,还是开个口子让能走的快走。

我不知道,我只知道对这个现状厌恶极了。

听武胜路社区的朋友讲八卦,昨晚他们小区也上了微博热搜。微博上的故事是这样的:社区工作人员往社区团购群里推荐了一个私人菜贩子,组织小区居民找此人买鱼,菜贩子借着一对一卖菜的便利漫天要价,每个人的价格都不一样。邻居们私下一问,意识到上了当。微博上的故事到此为止,其实还有精彩的没有写出来。朋友告诉我,几个主妇意识到上当后,首先找了社区工作人员“扯皮”,堵在社区办公室里要说法,社区的人悄悄给这几个人退了钱,要求他们不要声张,谁知主妇们没吃这一套,回了家就在群里把事情捅了出来。

这样的故事可太好玩了,收集起来可以出一本《封城异闻录》。

再记一件魔幻的事情,我的微信今天凌晨冻结了。点击登陆的时候显示“被多人投诉并确认有违规行为”,知道这句话最恶毒的地方在哪里吗?就是告诉你你被你的朋友在背后捅了一刀(还要强调不止一位),然后既不告诉你是谁投诉了你,也不告诉你违反了什么规定,更别提申诉辩解的机会——比自我表达的边界被逼倒退更糟糕的是,在我与我微信的几百个朋友之间埋下了猜忌和憎恶的种子。

我选择无视这个“原因”,对我而言,这个原因不重要,重要的是我选择相信什么。所以我选择认为是自己触动了某个敏感词的筛查机关,而这个所谓的“原因”只是一种挑唆互殴的恶毒策略。我不能让这句话在我心里扎下一根刺,更加削弱我对这个世界的信任。当然,我肯定会更加谨慎的做自我审查了。

昨晚,孝感市中心医院呼吸内科黄文军医生殉职了。

今早看到另一条消息,一桩28年前的南京旧案告破,我下意识以为是南京大学刁爱青的碎尸案,仔细看了才知道不是。无论怎样,凶手落网,可慰亡灵。

可是,新冠肺炎夺走的这些生命,又要怎样才能告慰呢?

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