2020.2.12 The 21st Day of the Wuhan City Closure 中文日记向下
Wuhan has been closed now for three weeks.
If one were to say that for those first two weeks the city was bathed in fright, panic and anger, then you could say, for ordinary uninfected people like my family and myself, the third week was filled with bewilderment and anxiety.
Mortgages, car loans, credit cards, flowers, water, electricity, gas, daily purchases ... Although we don't go out, we do spent a fair amount of money. During this emergency, we need to look carefully at the the prices we are paying for various items so that our finances won’t suffer after the epidemic is over. Many young people, such as myself, withdrew our year-end bonuses from our bank account to get the cash we needed to fill red envelopes with presents for our younger relatives at home. Although I have saved some money and have some cash on hand, my debit card is empty. But I will need to use the debit card to make online purchases. What a headache...
Although these look like trivial problems, things just pile up one upon the other and so do the money worries.
These past two days we have gotten some good news:
My mother’s sister will soon be discharged from the hospital. Now her cough and fever are completely gone. After two days observation, she will take the nucleic acid test and, if all goes well, she will be discharged from the hospital. My aunt is not in Wuhan. When she was diagnosed, there hadn’t been many cases in her area so she was able to get admitted to the hospital immediately and recover very quickly. Mother feels very guilty because once her diagnosis was confirmed, her family and a dozen or so of their neighbors were quarantined. She feels that she caused them trouble. Fortunately she was the only one who developed symptoms. She had been afraid that a coronavirus pneumonia infection was causing the fever her son – and my cousin – had. A test showed that he was not infected. Best of all, the grandmother we all worried about is in fine health. She still doesn’t know that her eldest daughter was in the hospital. She was very lucky that she was not in Wuhan and so could get immediate medical treatment.
My colleague with a confirmed coronavirus pneumonia who was quarantined at home because he had only a mild case of coronavirus pneumonia, has already gotten much better. He still coughs a little but all his other symptoms such as fever, weakness, and loss of appetite have all gone away. If everything goes well, he’ll take the nucleic acid test next week to determine whether he has completely recovered.
I was finally able to place an order within the limited number of orders http://Freshhema.com’s website can handle each day. Although I wanted to order ten items but was only able to buy five. Surprisingly they were out of eggs but I fortunately was able to buy milk.
I finally got the thermometer. I had placed the order February 1 but didn’t get it until February 12. That, except for a group order placed with a foreign website, is the longest I have ever had to wait for something I ordered online. My family all checked our temperatures when it came. All normal. By now though, we are nowhere near as anxious about our temperatures as we were ten days ago.
Yet another bit of news was not so good.
Hubei Province has not delayed its original decision for to resume work on February 14. Therefore our company is already making arrangements to resume work the day after tomorrow. In principle we will work in shifts and do much of our work from home. People not working that day can use a leave day, first using annual leave and then, when that is exhausted, personal leave days, and after that leave of absence for a personal matter. That means that if, as many people anticipate, that this situation will continue until April or May before we will be able to go back to work normally then not only will I have lower income over the next two months but I won’t have any leave either for the next six months.
This needs to end soon. I want to get back to work.
We are nearly all out of medical alcohol. We only have half a bottle of 84 brand disinfectant left. The nearby pharmacy and supermarket are all out and we can’t buy it online either. I don’t know whether this is because production is inadequate or because merchants don’t dare put it back on the shelf because of government requisitions. Recently many residents have organized a buying group to buy medical alcohol in bulk all in big five liter bottles. Many friends have already bought it but I don’t dare buy it myself. Such a big bottle of highly concentrated alcohol would be too big a risk. I hope this does bring disaster.
The last two days a friend in another community has been searching in the “Pneumonia Patients Ask Help ” subgroup of WeChat important topics category “Looking for People”. Yesterday he told me that he found three people in his community who had been asking for help. Two of them had already been admitted to the hospital and he was trying to get in contact with the third. Today he told me that one of the two people hospitalized had passed away.
A week ago, I paid close attention to statistics. At most, statistics demonstrate the honesty of this government. If they incapable of speaking frankly, how can we expect them to “solve” problems. At the least, for each and every individual, these statistics are a kind of proof of existence.
Now, however, I don’t pay attention to statistics. Every person included in the statistics as well as every person who is not included in them, is a living, breathing person that many other people care about and think about all the time. The heart-breaking pain and the irreparable loss that many feel is the truth about those people, not something that can be captured in any statistic.
A Wuhan girl with the ID “Xiaohang” had been posting on the Douban website. These past two weeks she has been writing, every word weeping blood, about her parents’ sickness and death and then about her own illness.
On January 29th, she wrote "Waiting for Dad’s CT. I don’t know how long I will have to wait. I crouching on the roadside in a daze. This is the most miserable and the most awful day in my life. Ten thousand arrows to the heart couldn’t be worse than this. But I want to help my Dad right until the very end."
On February 2nd, she wrote "Dad was admitted to the hospital, just like Dad took Mom to the hospital on January 24th. It was very rainy and so I didn't have time to look at my mother much. It is a little rainy today too. My Dad kept trying to get me out of the room and telling me not to come again."
On February 7th, she wrote, "Mom, you can take Dad with you. You will be able to breathe very well in Heaven. Don't worry about me. I told him today, you must remember what I look like and remember my voice. I remember when I was little you said if I got lost they could find me again from my birthmark. If we meet again, you will certainly be able to recognize me."
On February 8th, she wrote, "Dad, I have lost you too. Go to Mother and wait for me. We will all go home together." That same day, she also wrote, "I'm so scared. I'm infected too."
Every single word a deep, piercing pain.
Tears poured down my face as I read each word. She seems to be another me. On who parallels my own life in both time and space. When I started to write my own diary twenty-one days ago, I didn't know if I and my family would make it. That now I can worry about my work and about other trivial things is because my luck was a little bit better than hers. But in the end there is no difference between us.
I found her page on the Douban website. Her page now just says “account closed".
On December 21 of last year, she wrote:
"Coming back from a trip, I discovered only that my tomato had ripened. I took it home with me in my pocket. I wanted my parents to taste it. When I got home, my mother was the only one there. As if I were presenting a treasure, I slowly took it out of my pocket and gave it to her. Her first reaction: What? Did you grow it? I don’t want it, could it poison me? ... "
How good it would be if we could go back to that day.
I hope she will be able to recover. When all this is over, if I can see her, I want to hug her. We are all survivors of this disaster.
2月12日 武汉封城第21天
封城已经三周了。
如果说前两周淹没在惊吓、恐慌、愤怒的情绪中，那么第三周，对于我们这些自己和家人都没被感染的普通人来说，可能更多的是迷茫和焦虑。
房贷、车贷、信用卡、花呗、水电煤气、日常采购……虽然没有出门，支出却一件都不会少。特殊时期各项物资涨价，必须要更加精打细算才不至于给疫情结束后的生活带来更多负面影响。还有很多年轻人，比如我自己，过年前为了准备给家里小辈的红包压岁钱，把年终奖全部从银行取出换了现金，现在虽然是省了一笔钱，可是手里拿着一摞现金，卡上倒空空如也了，这样还要应付各种线上支出，实在有些头大……
虽说都是琐碎的小事，一件件累积在一起，这日子过得也并不从容。
这两天收到几个好消息：
姨妈快要出院了，现在咳嗽和发烧的症状已经痊愈，再观察两天后会做核酸检测，没有意外就能出院。姨妈不在武汉，她确诊的时候当地病例不多，可以及时就医，恢复就很快。姨妈一直很内疚，因为她的确诊，家里、邻居被隔离了几十个人，她始终觉得自己拖累了别人。还好除了她以外其他人都没有症状，原本担心她儿子、我堂哥发烧是因为感染引起，后来检查后也证明不是的；尤其是全家人最担心的老太太也健健康康，到现在还不晓得她大女儿住院的事情。万幸姨妈不在武汉，才能及时得到治疗。
同部门确诊的同事，因为轻症一直居家隔离，最近也已大好，除了还有轻微咳嗽，发烧、乏力、食欲不振的症状都已痊愈，顺利的话下周会再次进行核算检测确认是否完全康复。
我终于抢到了盒马鲜生的配送名额，虽然下单的10件商品最后只买到了5件，鸡蛋秒空，迅速就没货了，但是好在买到了牛奶。
体温计终于收到了，2月1日下单，12日才收到，大概是我除了海外代购以外经历过的等待期最长的网购体验。刚收到就给家人全部量了一次体温，全部正常。不过，现在已经远没有十天前那样对体温焦虑了。
也有一个不太好的消息：
湖北省2月14日复工的决定一直没有推迟，公司已经开始安排后天复工了。原则上是排班加居家办公，未排到班的人当天以休假冲抵，优先冲抵年假，然后冲抵事假。这就意味着，如果真的按照现在很多人的预估一直要持续到四五月才能正常复工，不仅接下来的两个月我的收入锐减，接下来的大半年也就再没假期了。
快点结束吧，我想上班。
家里仅有的医用酒精快用完了，只剩半瓶84消毒液；附近药店、超市早就断货了，网上也买不到，不知道是产量跟不上，还是因为政府强制征用导致商家不敢上架发货。最近看到好多居民自发组织的医用酒精团购，都是5L一瓶的大容量，我的很多朋友都买了，我却不敢，在家里放这么大一桶高浓度酒精，潜在安全隐患实在太大，唯愿不要发生次生灾害。
朋友所在的社区这两天在微博“肺炎患者求助”超话里“捞人”，昨天告诉我找到了三位他们社区的求助者，其中二位已经入院，剩下一位正在联系安排。今天却说，已经入院的病人中有一个人去世了。
一个星期前，我对数字很在意。往大了说，数字代表了这个政府的诚实，如果连坦诚一切都做不到，怎么去期待“解决”；往小了说，对每个人，这个数字是一种存在的证明。
现在，我却没有这样在意数字了。对每一个数字里、数字外的人而言，他们都是活生生的生命，都是很多人的牵挂和惦念，那些撕心裂肺的痛和永远无法弥补的思念，就是这些人真实来过的证明。
豆瓣网上有个ID叫“小杭”的武汉女孩，她在两周的动态里记录了父母染病、去世、自己染病的过程，字字泣血。
她的母亲在1月28日去世，父亲在2月8日去世。
1月29日，她写“等爸爸做ct，不知道等到什么时候。蹲在路边发呆，这是我这辈子最卑微最低贱的样子。万箭穿心也不过如此。但是我还是要护着我爸爸到最后啊。”
2月2日，她写“送爸爸住院了，就像24号爸爸送妈妈住院一样，那天雨特别大，我都没来得及多看妈妈一眼。今天也下了一点小雨，爸爸在病房拼命地赶我走叫我不要再来。”
2月7日，她写“妈妈，你带爸爸走吧，天上可以自由地呼吸。别担心我。我今天跟他说了，一定要记得我的样子，记得我的声音，小时候你们说过，如果我丢了就找我身上的胎记。你们再看到我，一定会认得我的。”
2月8日，她写“爸爸，我把你也弄丢了。你去找妈妈，然后等我，我们一起回家。”
当天，她还写道“我好害怕。我也感染了。”
每一个字，都是锥心刺骨的疼。
我一字一字的念着，眼泪一颗一颗就滴下来。她仿佛就是另一个我，平行时空里的那个我，21天前我开始写日记的时候，我也不知道我和家人是否能平安度过。而我现在之所以还能担心工作、担心存款这种琐碎的小事，可能只是比她运气好了一点点，但归根结底跟她并没有什么差别。
我在豆瓣找到了她的页面，现在显示“已注销”。在去年12月21日，她写道“旅行回来发现我的番茄熟了一颗，揣在兜里带回家想给我爸妈尝尝。回来时只有妈在家，我怀着献宝的心情小心翼翼从兜里摸出来给她看。她第一反应：什么？你种的？我不要我不要，会不会被毒死？……”
如果能回到那一天，该有多好。
希望她能康复。等到这一切都过去，如果我能见到她，我想抱抱她，我们都是劫后余生的幸存者。