Day40 Wuhan Diary 武汉日记

2020.3.2 The 40th Day of the Wuhan City Closure 中文日记最下



Our calendar is still on February. If I weren’t writing a diary every day, I might even forget what day it is. Each day is a repeat of the previous one. It seems like we are stuck frozen in time as if we were falling into a black hole.

I started working last week. The company wants each department to video conference once a day. Fortunately our department head isn’t someone who like to just go through the motions. So we had two daily video conferences but then gave up on them. But I guess that she worries about her appearance in a video conference and feels getting all made up for it just isn’t worth the trouble.

Our two company colleagues who had been infected are now completely cured. Their street committees even gave them a certificate stating that they are free of medical observation. Chatting with colleagues recently I discovered that having only two colleagues infected means that our company got off lightly. Many companies have colleagues who have passed away. No matter when this epidemic ends, I don;’t think the tears shed because of the sudden onslaught of this virus will dry anytime soon.

The deceased are now gone but as for the survivors, the most troublesome problem we have now is getting paid our salaries. If we put aside the days of the Lunar Festival holidays, we have spent a full month as hermits. Paying salary will depend entirely upon the kindness of the company. This makes me feel a bit like a fish on a cutting board.

Today I happened to hear that another friend has been infected. The symptoms – cough, fever and panting are all too clear. A CT scan showed lesions in the lungs but the nucleic acid test was negative. I’d guess that because of that the case won’t be counted among the “confirmed” cases. He hasn’t been admitted to the hospital but is doing self-quarantine at home. Fortunately he hasn’t infected other family members and the disease seems to be under control and he seem nearly cured now. He told me that medical expanse work like this: two nucleic acid tests are free of charge; the first CT scan he had to pay for himself; his community registered his case free of charge; he has to pay for all the medicine himself. Fortunately he has full medical insurance coverage so the financial burden will not be too great.

I was concerned before that the accuracy of the nucleic acid test is just 30% – 50%. Who knows how many “fish that escaped the net” there have been. Fortunately my friend only had mild symptoms. If he had gotten worse, he wouldn’t even have qualified to be admitted to the hospital. Even more fortunate is that none of his family members have been infected. If they had been, how could any of this make sense.

I saw an article from Nanfang Renwu weekly on the Weibo microblog. Interviewed was a homeless person who stranded in Wuhan. Here are some excerpts from the report:

“1. I bought a hard seat ticket back to Yiwu at 6 pm on January 23rd. I only wanted to transfer overnight in Wuhan. I didn’t know until I got to the train station that Wuhan had been closed at 10 AM that day. The first I heard about the epidemic in Wuhan was from a street vendor who was hawking face masks.

Hotels prices went up day-by-day. The hotel cost 130 RMB on the first day, 170 RMB on the second day, and more than 200 RMB on the third day. I can only switch hotels. Once the hotel price exceeds 200 RMB, I move to a cheaper one. I stayed in four different hotels in all.

I don’t know where to go. I walked down the street, went into a park and fell asleep on a bench. A security guard woke me up saying, “You aren’t allowed sleep here!” Later I realized what he meant. Sitting was allowed but not lying down.

Many supermarkets are closed. If I can enter the supermarket, I buy instant noodles. If I can’t find boiling water, I chew them. One time I got lucky once and found a supermarket that was open so I went in right away to buy bread.

I called the emergency number several times and they said they can’t handle my kind of problem. I went online to the Wuhan Notice Posting Bar website and posted messages 5 or 6 posts but never got a reply. Everyone must think that I’m a liar.

After wandering for about a week and I caught a cold. My head was dizzy and very painful, and my throat was even more painful but I had no money so I had to call my wife. I told her that this time I am done for. She immediately sent me 200 RMB. I forced myself to work to a pharmacy and bought some cold medicine. Without boiled water, I couldn’t dissolve the powdered medicine so I poured granules into my mouth, swallowed them, and then swallowed a few mouthfuls of mineral water.

I got a call from a friend. I owed him $ 50,000. His mother suddenly got cancer and needed money. I had to borrow 6,000 yuan from another friend to repay part of the debt.

On that snowy day in Wuhan, the snow kept falling right on my face. Water was dripping everywhere and there was no place to lie down. I walked up onto an overpass. I looked down at my own shadow below. I saw my own thoughts of suicide reflected down there.

In my wanderings, I have lost all sense of time. Somebody asked me yesterday how old I was. The thought just occurred to me. Today is February 5th. My birthday. I am 48 years old. What can I look forward to? I on the road ahead there appears some hot water I can drink, I’ll be satisfied.

A person in uniform took us to a nearby hotel where we stayed. After a good night’s sleep, I got up and looked in the mirror. My hair had turned half-white during these days in Wuhan … “

I have been thinking about the issue of the protection of detained people and homeless people during the city closure. Why did it take the government one month after the city closure to take action on this? I saw someone on Weibo microblog saying “There are so many things to do so we should take them slowly one at a time”. People like that even expect to be complimented “You have worked so hard under such difficult conditions!”

People here praise and fawn over the authorities yet they treat defenseless ordinary people very badly. I’ve never accepted this abnormal psychology of kiss up and kick down.

During this month, I have often wonder just what about my life is worth recording? Although I live in the epidemic area, neither me nor my family has been infected and our food and water supplies are still is good shape. Whatever difficulties we have can be overcome. What’s the point of me writing about all this?

It wasn’t until I saw that personal interview with the Wanderer that I finally believed I understood. I need to record and remember these things. I’m live in the epidemic area. I need to record the pain and despair close at hand as if it has had become engraved in my own heart. In the coming months and years I will need these things to remind myself not to become a numb and selfish person. I will need to remember this pain so as to remind myself in the years to come not to be a numb and selfish person.

Being an empathetic person may well be the greatest contribution I can make to this world.


3月2日 武汉封城第40天


家里的日历仍然停留在2月,如果不是每天写日记,我可能已经忘了今夕何夕。

日复一日不停地重复,仿佛陷入了一个停滞不前的时间黑洞。

从上周开始工作了,公司要求各部门每天视频会议一次,好在我们部门老大不好形式主义,开了两次电话会议布置完工作任务也就罢了。不过我猜也可能是开视频会议要注意形象,她肯定是觉得化妆太麻烦了。

我们公司感染的两个同事都痊愈了,街道已经开了解除医学观察的证明。最近跟同行聊天才知道我们公司只有两个人感染算是“轻症”了,不少公司都有去世的员工。哪怕疫情结束,这个突如其来的病毒带给武汉的泪水,恐怕也不是一时半刻可以擦干的。

逝者已矣,幸存者们现在最操心的大概就是工资了,除开春节假期,整整一个月都是“家里蹲”,工资怎么发全看公司慈悲了,有种任人鱼肉的感觉。

今天意外得知另外一个朋友也感染了,咳嗽、发热、呼吸急促等症状都非常明显,CT也显示肺部有病变,但是两次核酸检测都为阴性。我猜他是没有算进确诊人数中的。因为没有“确诊”,始终没有入院,在家自行隔离,好在没有传染给家人,病情控制得也比较好,最近差不多痊愈了。关于治疗费用他告诉我,两次核酸检测是免费,第一次自己去看病的CT是自费,社区登记后CT免费,所有的药物也是自费,好在医保能全包,所以经济上没有太大负担。

之前就曾担心,核酸检测有效率只有30%-50%,“漏网之鱼”恐怕不计其数。好在我的朋友一直是轻症,万一有恶化,他连入院治疗的资格都没有。更加庆幸的是他的家人没有被传染,不然这上哪儿说理去。

在微博上看到《人物》的专访,受访者是一位滞留在武汉的流浪者,报道的片段摘录如下:

“1. 我买好了1月23日下午6点回义乌的硬座票,只想在武汉中转一夜,到了火车站才知道,上午10点,武汉封城。从街边叫卖口罩的小贩口中,我第一次得知了武汉的疫情。

2. 酒店每天都在涨价,第一天130,第二天170,第三天就要200多。我只能换着酒店住,一旦一家酒店的价格超过200,就换一家更便宜的,前前后后换了4家。

3. 我不知道自己能去哪儿,沿着那条街胡乱地走。我走进一个公园,躺在长椅上睡着了。一个保安把我喊醒,「不准在这里睡!」后来我才明白他的意思,不能躺在椅子上,但是坐在椅子上是被允许的。

4. 好多超市关了,要能进超市,我就买包泡面,找不到开水,就干嚼。有一次比较幸运,碰到一个开着门的超市,我马上进去买了一点面包。

5. 我打过几次救助站的电话,他们说,这种事他们管不了。我又在武汉的贴吧、58同城里求助,发了5、6个帖子,没有得到回复。我知道,人家是把我当骗子了。

6. 流浪了大概一周,我感冒了。头很昏很痛,喉咙还疼得要命,但我没什么钱了,只好打电话给我老婆。我和她说,这次完蛋了。她马上给我打了200块钱。我撑着身体,去药店里买了点感冒冲剂。没有开水,冲剂泡不开,我就往嘴里倒颗粒,干咽下去,咽完再猛吞几口矿泉水。

7. 我接到朋友的电话。我欠他5万块,他母亲突然得了癌症,需要钱。我只好跟另外一个朋友借了6000块,先还给他一部分。

8. 武汉下雪那天,满天的雪飘下来,掉在我的脸上。到处在滴水,没有地方可以躺了,我走上了一座天桥。看着自己的影子,那时我看着桥底下,自杀的心都有了。

9. 流浪久了,我没有时间概念了。昨天人家问我年龄,我才想起来,今天是二月初五,我的生日,我都48了。有什么愿望呢?要是面前出现一杯热水给我喝,我就满足了。

10. 穿制服的人把我们带到附近的酒店,住了下来。睡了个好觉,起床我照镜子,发现在武汉的这段时间,我的头发白了一半……”

外地滞留人员、流浪者们在封城期间的保障,这个问题我都能考虑到,政府为什么在封城一个月后才行动?我在微博看到有人说“事情很多,要一件一件慢慢来”,恨不得还要夸奖一把“辛苦啦棒棒哒!”。这里的人惯常对公权力充满了爱护和谄媚,却也擅长将最极致的苛刻和恶意施加给无力反抗的普通人,我对这种变态的心理始终无法接受。

这一个月里我常常会想,我的生活有什么值得记录呢,虽然在疫区,但我和家人都没有感染,食物水电网络都能正常保障;有困难,但都能克服。我记录的这一切有什么意义呢?

直到看到这篇流浪者的口述采访,我终于想明白了,我需要记录这些、记住这些,我身处疫区,这些疼痛和绝望触手可及,仿佛刻在了我自己的心里,我需要记住这种痛感,并在未来的岁月里时时提醒自己不要成为一个麻木自私的人。

做一个有共情能力的人,也许是我对这个世界能做的最大的贡献了。

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