Day28 Wuhan Diary 武汉日记




2020.2.19 28th day of Wuhan lockdown 中文原文如下



Today is supposed to be the day of The Lion King Broadway musical’s premier in Wuhan, it was also supposed to be the premier in China. I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time. I remember waiting for the ticket to go on sale to nab a prime seat, looking back I feel a little dazed.

The show came out with return policies already, but I still want to wait to see if they’ll delay the show, and get my ticket exchanged for that instead. If nothing else, I hope that my ticket will be a witness to history.

The Good Doctor, An American TV show that I love, its first season tells a story of a patient who is a porn actress attending college, seeking treatment for pain in her genitalia. Under normal circumstances, the most direct treatment would have served her nerves causing her to never orgasm again. The doctors in the show thought hard and found solutions to preserve her sensation.

I thought of this story when watching recent news. Talking about orgasms, even sex worker’s orgasms, these kinds of topics are super distant for mainland Chinese women. For women here, talks about menstruation and pads in public are filled with shame. Here when volunteers brought period underwear and pads they bought for female medics to their hospitals, the head of the hospital would turn them down saying “we have no need for it”. Here female medics would have their long hair shaved off in front of the camera like an execution, the lense points at their faces capturing their sorrow, almost teary expression, for materials promoting “unity” and “the fight against the epidemic”.

In reality, the female medics being used for propaganda aren’t the only ones who are in these kinds of predicaments, the people in infected areas are in similar situations. With supermarkets no longer allowing individual customers to enter, many communities are organizing groups to buy supplies. Most groups are out to buy groceries, a few are for household products. Unfortunately I haven’t seen a group for buying period pads, at the same time there are girls in my local WeChat group asking around for where they can buy pads every day.

If the female medics were the only group being neglected, then blame could be placed on those in power lacking empathy. But when you look at the daily supply purchase groups neglecting feminine products, you can tell that disregarding women is the norm, and within people who practice these norms, there are women too.

The exploitation of female medics, which was supposed to be a tribute to the authorities, became a topic of anger and doubts in mainland China. But I think that the neglect of women’s need in acquiring daily supplies is more representative of the norm. Especially in times like this where “women’s rights” are maliciously slandered within the great firewall, a woman naturally, gracefully stating her needs, something as simple as that is met with obstacles after obstacles… This isn’t just “women’s right”, it is “human’s right”

Takeshi Kitano, a Japanese filmmaker that I admire, once said: “a disaster is not one event that kills twenty thousand humans; it is one human-killing event that happens twenty thousand times”. I think this quote tells people to understand and empathize based on a “human” perspective, rather than to treat humans as the background of a grand narrative.

We need to take note of another story. I saw in the news that the government of Guizhou province provided care kits to its medical aid team in Hubei. There were electric blankets, thermos mugs, thermal underwear, shampoo, body wash, hair dryers, nail clippers, and even two different kinds of slippers (cotton and shower slippers), as well as feminie products, such as sanitary pads. The Governor of the Guizhou province is a female.

I am very grateful for the existence of this kind of leader. But it is actually pathetic to expect good results on an individual’s competence and morals.

A nurse friend of mine told me a story. Her good friend is a nurse in the ICU and some patients in the ward would cough and yawn towards the nurses intentionally.

A former classmate told me that her uncle is still unwilling to wear face masks while strolling on the street and playing mahjong with other people. My classmate’s mother calls her little brother every day, trying her best to persuade him and intensely arguing with him, but all in vain. My classmate has to report to the mayor hotline where her uncle plays mahjong.

The community worker friend of mine tells me about an old man in their community. He tries different ways to get outside, argues with community workers and even spits to them, no matter how hard they try to convince him to stay at home.

I also saw videos online in which pedestrians were taken away by the police, who did not wear masks and did not listen to any advice.

My mind is quite messy. I used to consider reporting one’s own uncle would be a shameful and “anti-human” behavior. I would consider that overly-barbaric and violent enforcement violates human rights. But when I am being trapped in a cage by the virus, when we who obey the rules lose our freedom and serve “life sentence” because of those people who disobey the rules, I wish, deeply concealed in my heart, that there is an “alternative way” and an “obliging force” to make them obey the rules.

I do not want to be a hypocrite advocating power. I just do not know where to draw the line, and that may not be an answer I can give after all. Maybe the fundamental problem is we do not have the right to draw this line.

I ordered a Harry-Potter-themed Golden Snitch pendant at the end of last year. The shop assistant at the store tells me that the order has arrived today and I can pick it up when the outbreak is over.

I intended for it to be my new year’s present, but it could turn out to be a mid-year gift. Nevertheless, it feels not bad to be alive while expecting something wonderful.



2月19日武汉封城第28天


今天原本是我期待很久的百老汇原版音乐剧The Lion King武汉首演的日子,也是全国首演,想当初我是守着开票时间抢了最心仪的位置,现在还有点恍惚的感觉。

演出的退票政策已经出来了,但我还是想等等看延期演出的情况,如果可以就直接换票。也希望手里这张票不必损毁作废,这也是一种历史的见证。

我很喜欢的一部美剧The Good Doctor,第一季中有一个故事,病人是一个演色情片的大学女生,阴部病变,按照常规的、最直接的治疗方案可能因为影响神经而导致她永远失去高潮的感觉,而这部电视剧里医生们花了很多心思来保全她的感官。

我在看最近的新闻时突然想起这段剧情,谈论高潮,甚至是性工作者的高潮,这样的话题对于大陆女性还是一个太太太过遥远的话题,在这里女性公开谈论月经、卫生巾都会充满耻感,在这里志愿者们把为女性医护人员采购的安全裤和卫生巾送到医院都会被院领导拒绝“我们不需要”,在这里长头发的女性医护人员如行刑一般被当众剃光头发,镜头会直接怼在她们面前采集她们悲伤欲泣的表情,作为宣传“众志成城”“抗击疫情”的素材。

事实上,正在遭遇这些尴尬的不仅是作为宣传工具的女性医护人员,还有很多身处疫区的普通人。最近超市不再允许个人顾客进入,越来越多的社区开始组织团购,我注意到团购的主要商品是蔬菜食品,此外也有少量的日用产品,可惜我至今没有看到有哪一个团购里包含卫生巾,与此同时我每天都能在本地群里看到女孩子们互相打听哪里可以买到卫生巾。

如果说关于医护人员的新闻里,那些掌握话语权的“领导”“媒体”可能只是一种缺乏同理心的权力的惯性思维,那么当你看到这些日常物资采购中也在忽视女性用品的需求,就能知道,漠视女性,这根本就是“主流”,甚至这些主流人群中,也包含女性在内。

对女性医护人员的消费,本质上是一场向权力的献祭,现在已经引起了内地民间的广泛质疑和愤怒。而在日常生活物资采购中对女性需求的忽视,我想更能代表一种主流的现状。尤其是“女权”在墙内被恶意抹黑的现在,女性自然、大方地说出自己的需求,如此简单的事情也被设置了重重障碍……这明明不是“女权”,仅仅只是“人权”啊。

我很喜欢的日本导演北野武曾说“灾难并不是死了两万人这样一件事,而是死了一个人这件事,发生了两万次”,我想,这句话是告诉人们站在“人”的角度去理解和共情,而不是把人当作宏大叙事的背景。

这里,也有该记下的另一笔。看到新闻里说,贵州政府为本地援助湖北的医疗队提供了暖心包,有电热毯、保温杯、保暖内衣、洗发水、沐浴露、吹风机、指甲钳,连拖鞋都准备了两双(棉拖鞋和沐浴拖鞋),并且专门为女性准备了卫生巾之类的用品。贵州的省长就是一位女性。

我很感激有这样的领导存在,但是,将是否有好的结果寄托于个人的能力、善恶,这实在是太悲哀的一件事情。

当护士的朋友跟我说起一件事情,她的好友是重症病房的护士,病区内有病人不戴口罩,会故意朝身边的护士咳嗽、呵气。

我的一个同学告诉我,她的舅舅至今都不愿戴口罩,还天天出门闲逛、打牌,同学的妈妈每天打电话给亲弟弟,苦口婆心的劝说和激烈的争吵统统无效后,同学打了市长热线举报了舅舅打麻将的地方。

我在社区工作的那位朋友说,他们社区有个爹爹,无论如何劝说留在家里都不听,每天换花样要出门,还会跟社区的工作人员吵架,朝他们吐口水。

我家朝小区外马路的那一面,到今天还能看到有没戴口罩的爹爹婆婆在外面散步。

我在网上也看到很多不戴口罩、不听劝说的路人被警察强行带走的视频。

我的思维有些混乱。如果在以往,我会认为举报了自己舅舅是一种非常“反人类”的让人羞耻的事情,我会认为那种执法方式过于野蛮粗暴侵犯了人权。可是当我被病毒关在牢笼里,我们遵守规则的人因为那些不遵守规则的人而丧失自由“无期徒刑”的时候,我从内心深处是希望有“另一种方式”和“强制的力量”让他们守规矩的。

我不是虚伪的鼓吹强权的人,我只是不知道这条界限在哪里,也许这原本也不是我能给出答案的问题。

也许,根本的问题在于,我们没有权利去划定这条界限。

我在去年年底预订了一件Harry Potter的小飞贼吊坠,专柜销售员今天联系我已经到货了,疫情结束后可以去店里拿。

买下这个吊坠原本是想作为新年礼物送给自己,现在大概会变成年中礼物了。可是活着有些能期待的美好,总是不错的。

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